Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
