Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
