Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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