Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
