The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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