Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
