what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
