I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So drunk its hurt
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
