Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
