I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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