Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize