I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
