i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
