she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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