she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
