Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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