help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
