I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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