Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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