I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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