Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't turn off my feet"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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