I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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