She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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