Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
