Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
