drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize