it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
