planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize