I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
