If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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