Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
