Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
