why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
