Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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