I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He called his prostate his "boner button".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
