So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
