And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
