my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize