He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
