Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
