He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize