There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
