I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize