just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
