So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
