its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
