I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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