dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
