it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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