There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
