Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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