i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
