I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She bit a glass in half.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
