Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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