Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
