I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize