i already hear my dad disowning me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
