ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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