I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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