When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
