Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
