i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
