I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
