They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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