Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
