Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize