Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Michael Bay diarrhea
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
