The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
