I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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