She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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