mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
