i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
