so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize