I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
