Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize