OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
