this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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