My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
