if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize