i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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