there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tornado booty call.. dedication
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
