You made me cry and you don't even care
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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