She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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