He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
