Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
