Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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