You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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