Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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