I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
