hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
