You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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