Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
