I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
