What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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