I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize