is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
