I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
