You work out of a Hotel?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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