6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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